Me Too

10/17/17

This weekend, women around the world started posting and tweeting the update “Me Too.” I appreciate the attempt to highlight that as women we have all been a victim of some form of harassment, assault or unwanted advance. I imagined as I posted my own “#metto,” that many women felt some shame, sadness, or sense of being judged for that post. And that others did not post at all for those same reasons, and for secrets held deep inside for years. I worried that some felt obligated to post “Me too,” without being ready. Did that result in a whole new shame, one of not joining the masses? Once again, it is the women, not the men, who are in the spotlight.

What if every single man who perpetrated every woman who posted “Me too” posted “I did.” I harassed a coworker. I catcalled a mom walking to pick her kids up at school. I pushed a little too hard for sex when one of my closest friends had a little too much to drink at that bar. I slipped her a roofie. I violently raped that girl after I manipulated her in to believing I cared for her.

I wondered too how many women didn’t post “Me too” because they minimize their own experience. I didn’t post right away. A few instances of sexual harassment and the nonconsensual sex with a friend after too many drinks certainly doesn’t hold a candle to my own daughter’s violent rape several years ago. How many women are holding on to secrets gnawing away at them, shame and embarrassment mounting with each day that passes, without disclosing the crime committed against them? How many of us would never dare name our perpetrators for fear of retaliation or being labeled a liar?

If you are a woman who has posted “Me too,” or one who has not, I stand in solidarity with you. We have all been victims of unwanted acts against us simply because of our gender. We are discriminated against, we are treated unfairly in the workplace, and we are labeled as liars and crazy and weak. But that is wrong. We are not the fairer sex. We are warriors. We are badass women who change the world on a daily basis. We are advocates, we are mama bears, we are strong and we mean business.

The trouble is that by posting “Me too,” we are all left to feel victimized. Again. It is time to start holding men accountable. It is time to tell our young sons and men that women are their equals. We are to be respected as such, and we are to never be jeered at or touched against our will. We must teach them to stand up to friends who are about to perpetrate a sex crime. They must learn to educate peers about consent and respect.

Enough is enough. It is time for men to stop, so that women do not have to suffer the injustice and shame of disclosure any longer.